Queenie went down a YouTube rabbit hole after watching Conan interview an intimacy coordinator, which led her to a segment featuring a young man whose company makes thirty-two custom condom sizes and offers a hotline where you can speak to said gentleman if you’re unsure which size to order. This leads to a bit about guidance counselors not recommending “talking about dicks all day” as a career path. Queenie’s advice: measure twice, cut once. You only want to make that mistake one time. They are crying laughing.

Also: screwworms are back, ocean monitoring equipment is being removed, and there’s no oversight of anything anymore. If you see things moving in your food, just ignore it.

The Fuck It List this week is a serious one: a friend of Queenie’s, a woman their age with significant cardiac history, had her blood pressure medication changed and spent weeks feeling terrible, voicing concern at her hospital stay, being dismissed, and only getting the medication switched back when her primary care physician called the cardiologist directly. Within a day, she felt better. The fuck it goes to not giving up, to trusting your own body, and to not allowing your problems to be minimized by a medical system that still, somewhere in its bones, operates like doctors are gods you stand up for when they enter the room. Queenie’s message: advocate for yourself, and if you can’t, find someone who can.